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Monday, February 22, 2010He's Under 400! Sunday, December 13, 2009Why am I dieting?
I could say I'm dieting for my health. I have muscles strengthening that haven't really been used since I worked in a laundry. I could also say its because I don't want to have to take a fist full of pills every morning. I could say it about looking better. I know a 400 lbs plus man walking down the street can't be attractive.
But the real answer came to me in a game called Evony. With the game you can build and attack cities. What has been driving me nuts since I started playing it is that can't do anything to defend myself when you're not online. Any other game I've played doesn't require you to be online 24/7 to have a chance to defend yourself. If you're offline everything is offline. It makes me feel helpless. I could spend real world money to get virtual goods. I could do that except I don't have any really world money to spend. In that moment my feeling about the game became a metaphor of my life: I could do so much if I just had a little more, but no matter how hard I work I can never get that little more. I have worked for 3 companies in career that when I reached the pinnacle of my profession there have gone belly up. It seems that no matter how hard I work as I am I can't change anything. This led me to consider the constants during these failures. I've always been trying to get an education but demands of my position have required me to stop my education. Also I've always felt that I've been looked down because of my weight and baldness. Well my corporate education is at a stand still. I'm not spending another dime on my education until I'm out of debt. Why should I sink further into debt for a 4 year degree when I turn 40 or later? I'm only seen as a washed up code jockey whose just a nice guy. I like being the nice guy but will a degree really help me now? God I want to be more then just a code monkey and feeling helpless. I've always been overweight. That just always been the way of my life. The hair thing, well that started falling out at 13. Not much I can do about except get a rug, do a com over or keep it short. At least by dieting I can around one thing that, at least my eyes, has been holding me back. I'm dieting to prove that at this stupid mid life crisis that I can change something for the positive in my life. That eventually I can offer my wife a comfortable retirement and a chance to have children. Everything I have done in my life has failed. I've tried to start up a couple of businesses and a church and they all fell flat. I'm tired of my life and I just want something better for my wife. My goal when I took my current job was to become the employee. I wanted to prove I could do something right for once. It felt so good to get that piece of paper and feel that I could do something right. But it meant some much more to bring it home to her and see her expression and know I did something right for her. I want do the same for her by showing her I can do more for her with this stupid diet. I guess this stupid diet is just my hope that this step may someday let me leave a real mark in this world. That I can leave a legacy that my wife can fall back on in her old age. Be it a decent savings or a thriving restaurant that could support her in her old age. I want to live a few more years for her. Addendum: I was crying like almost the whole time I was typing this post out. I really wasn't trying to bring anyone down. I'm think I really am going through a mid life crisis and needed an outlet and a bit of personal honesty. If anyone reading this post will get one thing from this is just keeping working hard. I'm at least succeeding in this diet and in many ways at my current job. This is coming from a guys whose a total mess. For people out there who have an education you can be so much more. If you don't, get one. Even if its not something that you have a certificate you can use that knowledge. Don't pass up the opportunities you have in your daily life. Otherwise you'll be doing long, boring, blog posts at one in the morning.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009It Taste Like Burning
Good Morning all,
 Last night I started a work out program. Mainly walking after work at the Findlay YMCA. I looked so bad last. My legs after exercising could hardly move and I'm trying to life them on a exercise bike. Then the stair-climber machine almost vaulted me off. Not fun. I do get a little over a half hour workout and walked just mile shy of mile. I do question if anyone reads the walking track sign because I seem to be the only one walking in the right direction. An arrow is pretty hard to not understand. I think my look offended a couple of women because they forced me off the walking track and for a while a they were following me make some questionable comments. The TV's drown out most of what they were saying, but the fact that they seemed to be at running every piece of equipment was walking to, while laughing and muttering under their breath seemed odd. I hope this gym doesn't turn into high school. I lost another 5 lbs. this week. Yay! I've updated my page with my weight lose chart. Also I added a section about exercise. Thursday, November 19, 200928 Calories Later I looked up the health clubs that our insurance provides. If I'm a women there are tons of cheap places that my insurance would take care of around my house and work. But the last time I check I'm not. I talked to our HR director and got some info on the YMCA program we run here. Our household finances are right at the edge, especially with Christmas coming up. So we'll have to give up cable and Scoop It dog poop service. But we can swing the membership with works' help. Thanks work! So onto my meal log: Last Night's Dinner - Poached Salmon with the skin off and a bunch of Imitation Shrimp [also called baby shrimp] Breakfast - Yogurt with a lil' extra Granola Lunch - Taco Hot Pocket (the last of the Hot Pockets, only the light kind left), Almonds, Carrots, Apple Pre-Dinner Snack (at work) - Carrots Update - Tried to get my membership over lunch but they needed a check for the monthly payment. Major but suckage.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009I'm a loser baby, so why don't you feed meWell they finished the calculations for the Biggest Losers contest at work. I took first by a pretty good margin. :) While I'm really happy about this, I only have one more week of 'easy going.' You see I'm so big that my body just went into shock and dropped a ton of water weight. This week between today and Friday I'll start losing real fat. Which mean anything from about Monday to then is just water weight as well. I'll know when that time hits because my freaks out for a couple of weeks. FYI: I put together a spreadsheet so I can keep track of my weight lose or gainage. I'm hoping to get out of work on time so I can do a mile with my dog. Here's hoping. Meals so far today: Breakfast:
Lunch:
Dinner:
Dieter's Worst Night: http://www.woot.com/blog/viewentry.aspx?id=10144 Also, here's a a little doodle of myself I did when I started the competition. I did to help keep myself inspired. Free doodle availible for anyone who wants one. Enjoy!  Tuesday, November 17, 2009I finally did it!
Yes my three readers I finally did it. I had me some egg rolls. Oh no, they weren't just any egg rolls. They were the best kind, for a diet. Yeah, I had a $2 special at Speedway. Stone me if you must but at least they're not fried.
So you've got to be asking yourself: where's the posts been? The answer is work and life. Friday was first time last week that I could get out of work before midnight (slight exaggeration, it had been 7pm the last few nights). Anyway I ran out the door, did a quick trip to the store, and helped my wife with 'bushia cookies.' Now your asking: Erv, why would your wife torture you will yummylicious cream cheese cookies? Because of her little sister. Her one sister is leaving country for a new job and is going too miss Christmas and the cookies that go with the holiday. So it was all for a good cause. Saturday was our weekly running. Also for the party I made some lemon bars, catching up on laundry, fixing a hard drive for said sister, and sending out our other baked goods to the soldiers we support overseas. Somewhere in there I did collapse for about a half hour. I was quite pleased with lemon bars. They didn't taste like poop, actually they tasted quite good. Sunday was church, taking stuff over to my in-laws for the going away party. But I did almost have a nervous breakdown: there wasn't a veggie tray. I reassured that there would be veggie tray and there wasn't one. Some many carb rich food and nary a carrot to be found. My rough patches were the lemon bars - I tried one and was only suppose to be a bite but turned in a whole one. It almost became two because I'm so use to downing one thing after another. The other rough time was at the party. I had a few of these cream cheese roll ups and about 2-3 slices of Marcos pizza. I can't say exactly how many because the pizza was cut into squares. All things considered I think I was pretty good. For the meals themselves I had some fresco style stuff from da' Bell, a turkey Sub from da' Way, a chicken salad from Mickey D's, and a taco salad from Wendy's. Lots of yogurt abounded for breakfast. Monday I was pretty good. Yogurt for breakfast and a onion breadie thing. The day before I remembered that I had some canned salmon and decided I would make it. You usually just mix the fish with breadcrumbs, onions, eggs and spices and lightly fry it. Well I opened the can found out that the salmon had a ton of bones and other unappetizing bits. So in trash the can went. That left me with a mix of patty mix stuff. I didn't want to throw it away so I added an extra egg and some chipotle seasoning and slow fried them in light oil. They tested really good and with onions cutting the breadcrumbs the calories weren't to bad. The carbs were terrible, but the overall calories were good. Lunch was the standard affair as the last few days. I did finish off my old lunch snacks so lunch will be getting interesting. Dinner was late because of work. So I came home microwaved some turkey chili that was on sale at Aldi's (best place for yogurt if you don't have to have the name brands) and poured it over a couple of crush corn chips, Romanian lettuce, salsa and cheese. It was darn tasty. Tuesday (today) was yogurt for breakfast, left over chili salad for lunch, and two egg rolls for dinner. I love the hot dogs and tornadoes from Speedway. I have to stay away as much as possible or I will slip back into grabbing something here or there again an ruin my diet. Fortunately I've been able to channel those feeling (best word?) into buying diet cranberry soda. I think I'll be doomed after Christmas :) So I'm tired and after I finish doing a quick edit on the post and put up the animals I plan on going to bed. BTW: Thanks for encouragement. You know who you are.
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